i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
