Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
