Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize