I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
