Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
