my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
