The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
