I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
