Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
