I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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