Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize