Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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