I think my vagina is haunted
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
