I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize