i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
