I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
