i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
