Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
