The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
