I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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