I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
