this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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