highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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