I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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