direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize