Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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