I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
