woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I touched a dick in church today
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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