Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
