in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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