There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
