And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize