he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
