I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
