She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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