Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
