Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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