Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
