She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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