Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
