Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
