Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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