if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
