I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize