I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize