Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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