Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
