I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
