I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
