dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize