watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
