Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I pour the whiskey from now on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
