textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
