I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
third nipple confirmed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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