my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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