we have officially lost it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
