why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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