Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
