I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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