I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
