K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
