If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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