Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
