Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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