I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
