he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
