How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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