first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
