3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
