I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
