do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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