Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
