I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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