i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
