I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I party with great urgency now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
