Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
