it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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