My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize