Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
