i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
