Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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