Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Acid is not a monday night drug
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
