whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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