Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
