So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
