If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
