My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we made out on top of his cat.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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