i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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