My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
