I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
