I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
