so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize