did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
