also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
