Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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