So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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